The Cat In The Hat Review

 Noe: I spell like a real ca

The Cat In The Hat

This is ore samma no review on da cat in da hat from the distant future year to dr suess of 2003(20 years befoe Roboyech 2 The Sentinels)

Its diectal by Bo Welch who did nothing much i've seen in directing but good stuff in production

It stars Michael Myers from So I Married an Axe Murderer/Wayne's World 1 and 2/Shrek/Austin Powers 1-3/Bohemian Rhapsody/Saturday Night Live, Spencer Breslin fron Law & Order/Meet the Parents/Disney's The Kid/The Santa Clause 2/Zoom/The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, Dakota Fanning from I Am Sam/Uptown Girls/Man on Fire/My Neighbor Totoro/Hide and Seek/the cr-ppy tom cruise War of the Worlds/Charlotte's Web/Coraline/Ocean's 8/Malcolm in the Middle/Family Guy/Justice League Unlimited, Kelly Preston from Christine/From Dusk till Dawn 1/the clean Jack Frost/Battlefield Earth, Alec Baldwin aka phaIIic Baldwin, after people stopped hiring him and he needed to do p0rn0, from Beetlejuice/Great Balls of Fire!/The Hunt for Red October/Mercury Rising/Notting Hill/Pearl Harbor/Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within/The Adventures of Pluto Nash/The Aviator/The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie/My Sister's Keeper/The Alamo: Thirteen Days to Glory/The Simpsons/Walking with Cavemen/Johnny Bravo/The Fairly OddParents/Law & Order: Special Victims Unit/candy a55 Saturday Night Live, Amy Hill from Cheaper by the Dozen/50 First Dates/Seinfeld/Spider-Man: The Animated Series/Jackie Chan Adventures/Frasier/King of the HillAmerican Dad!/Boston Legal/The Goode Family/Two and a Half Men/Law & Order: LA, openly sodomus Sean Hayes from The Three Stooges/How Murray Saved Christmas/The Emoji Movie/Rugrats/Hot in Cleveland/American Dad!, Danielle Chuchran from nothing I've seen, Steven Anthony Lawrence from Cheaper by the Dozen/Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Frasier/Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth/Sabrina, the Teenage Witch/The Amanda Show, Paris Hilton from Raising Helen/Zoolander/House Of Wax, Frank Welker from everything, Candace Dean Brown from Party Of Five, Victor Brandt from The Boy in the Plastic Bubble/The Santa Clause 2/Star Trek: The Original Series/Highway to Heaven/Saved by the Bell/Gargoyles/Superman: The Animated Series/Totally Spies!/Spider-Man: The New Animated Series/My Life as a Teenage Robot/The Batman/Avatar: The Last Airbender/the 2010s Transformers: Robots in Disguise, 

I saw some of this but I don't think I watched it from start to fin ish

People hated it and killed the sequel b4 it was made but some like it and think its underappreciated

so after a cel shaded universal an dreamworks logodone dr suess style we get cretis and narratoin saying things in rhyme and a city between a hill with pastel colors and those f'd up trees

mom gets a call that the babysitterquit and her boss is super ocd and fires a guy for shaking his hand, which i thinktheres legal issues of

mom gets chosen for her home having a meeting and if her house is messy she's fired, which is not cause for termination i think, i mean you cant even fire guys for spreading aids like that tom hanks movie

in this neat and tidy house the girl is being a stck in the mud and the son is making a mess and wears fooas armor and slides down the tairs on a baking tray as mom comes in

son trys to blame girl and mom cleans him up as alec baldwin brings the dog back as it ran away and is dating the mom but son dont like him and wants to send son to military academy, which hollywood guys fear/hate as it might make an alphe male outta em and not let em stay beta

mom gets the phone and son confronts alec over wanting him to go to military school but alec sez hes gonna marry his mom and as mom comes in he fakes being nice to him b4 leaving and making military gestures

so ktes catering comes in and kate is a bald guy and mom is called back to the office and gets a maruta to look after the kids and girl ha a stick up her a55 over being dominant and following the rules and tells the kids to sstay outta the dining room or w/e

as usual in these movies, on tells off mom saying he wishes he had a different one and she sez she wishes the same and leaves

alec baldwin wants to go phaIIic baldwin and b0ne her and is sneaking around the neighborhood and the maruta is watching maruta shows andfalls asleep and it starts raining as i guess they dont got a sega they are bored

the kids bicker and they hear a noise upstairs and go up and check the closet and he gets pulled in but its a fake out and he trhew a teddy at her

then the cat in the hat shows up outta nowhere and is this a furry movie?

so the kids keep running from him and hes doing kind of a lion from oz thing and eventually sez hes the cat in the hat and f's ou at rhymes

after claiming to be lactose intolerant and surfing down the stairs on a wood thing, he lusts after their mom and his hat extends like a b0nar

he sits on the sitter and hangs her in the closet and uses a funmiterto check their fun levels and girl gets low andso does boy and he does a song and barfs up a hairball

then the fish went cg and tells em not to f--k about and cat sez "u gonna listen to him? he drinks where he pees!" and sings a gaijin song dressed as a gaijin cross dresser and matador among other costume changes

after a sip of milk and body inflation as this is a furry movie, he belches and the kids liked it and want da cat to stay

he has em sign a contract and his lawyers are there and he sez they can have all the fun and nother bad will happen and they sign it w/o reading it like clockwork orange

cat goes to the living room and they say they aint allowed and he goes redneck and has a plumbers butt and chex the couch and f--ks around with it

he jumps on it and bounces around even on the couch he didntedit and the boy joins in andfish tries to keep girl from going in but cat sends him to the toilet and girl joins in

alec comes in andsees em and when girl fakes being on his side he tells her off for being a suck up

cat jumps way when alec is there andhe starts sneezing as hes allergic to cats as hes lower evolved and books it

girl wants to make cup cakes and not the mlp fanfic and cat goes martha stewart and can clone hmself as hes in his cat forme also there

he gets out a cup cake maker that turns anything into cupscakes like alchemy in fma and cat is also watchign this with the kids so theres3 of him and tv cat  thros cr-p in the maker and eventually chops off his tail and is bleeped out

after having a hbandage on it and his lawyers say they can sue, they go bakc to the cipcakes and it sprays purple cr-p n the wall and it tastes like cr-p

cat cleans the walls with moms dress and acts black and gay and sez he can fix this hmself

he getsa crate and lets out these gremlins thing 2 and thing 1 and as cat goes on bout them, oy tries to look in the crate but cat sez its a gateto other realms(like the twilight zone?) and cat sez keep outta the basement i mena crate

they use cg to send the stains off the dress on the couch then do it on the coucheto spread it around the room

1 of em kicks plates around and the kids try to catch em as they wreak havoc on the place and spazz out and ride the maruta down the stairs and break her brains

the lock on the crate is a crab and lands on the dogs collar and cat sez the thrings o the opposite of what theyre told and they wind up throwing the dow out the window and it runs off

if they dont get back the lock theworld is f'd and theres 4 hours til the party and girl sez to call mom but boy dont wanna andget the dog andcat puts the maruta as a paperweight on the crate

in his place alec takes off his girdle and faek teeth and his tv is reposessed and he sees the dog and calls mom and outs em and wants to get it

the kids and kat fish is in a jar with em and and spazzes out and cat has em throw him over d fence where hes gonna ice the dog with a ditty hoe but it runs

they follow and see th girls friens w/o her and havign a party and as they swarm out the kids hide and cat fakes being a pinata and the swarm of kids beat him with sticksand 1 kid gets him in the parts

the duo throw candy and cat nearly wastes the kid who broke his parts and the 2  hold him back

mom calls and the maruta sez thing sare good and the things tie her with strings and puppet her

the girl is bummed she wasnt invited and phaIIic balwdun gets the dog and drives off and cat gets his car thats called yhe acronym s l o w and not s h - t like the last one and they drive off in his cr-pmobile

in his car the dog p-ssed on alecs taco which is something hes gotta get used to in jail and cat lets boy drive thenwhen girl wants to drive ge grows another wheel and a thrid for himself

after tearing out the breaksand going maruta by driving doen a 1 way road the rwrong way, he slams into something and alec gets there to show mom son lost it

cat fakes being a janmacian and woke guy wanting a petetion and as he signs it he gets the dog and runs and alec chaxses em

cat takes em to a rave nd paris hilton is there and alec gets in and they book it as alec goes back for hiscar

they got the lock and dog but cat dont have his hat as he dropped it and got the wrong one and his hat had his powers like with frosty

alec gets mom and heads home and boy realizes doing the opposite is gay and sez for the things not to help him and they jack alecs car, which mightn make him beat on em or pull out his 45, and they dgo off

boy tells the things to not stop em and they fake being chips cops and pulls em over

alec jacks thing's bike and gets back and at their home aec scomes in and the ouse is ormal but when the cat shows up, he spazzes out and falls through the background and the house is a devolved extra dimensional space and is pure fun w/o logic

so this is like the cats world and i think he came from h=ll and they ride the sleeping maruta down the river of purple goo, but should have hollowed out her torso and rode in her

boy sez its liek a ride in an amusement park and cat plugs universal studios and they eventually get to the crate and the kids try closing itbut gril gets sucked into the vortex and boy has her let go so he can seal the crates a55

so the house undevolves andfalls apart and alec is cr-pped out in a purple slime thing like nickelodeon shows in the 90s

the kids and p-ssed an the cat ruining their hosue and the cat reveals his hat is the real one and he faked it and he planned the whole day happening and knew the kids would f it up

the kids had enough of his cr-p and pull out a machine gun and shred him

jk really they send him out and we get the token sad moment where the happy fun colorful movie is ruined by a forced sad moment to make us feel bad even though its a f--kin comedy and not in any way meant to make us feel sad

so the kids are gonna face mom togetehr and stick togetehr and learned some cr-ppy lesson and like each othwr no andthe door opens

mom comes in and steam blows outta her eats and she raises her hand and it enlarges into a huge cartoon cg fist and she crushe em with a green slime splatter

jk really cat comes in andsez if they learned the lesson then he can fix everything and used a machine called acronym d i r t to clean up and magically fix everything with cg

also its idescreen and bright colored and really expressive and bold

so cat hecks thei fun level and they got it good and the kids are happy and we get a sappy ending of them aying bye

cat comes in and i mean mom comes in nd cat books it and maruta wakes up and sez the kids are angels

lec comes in and sez all the weird a55 cr-p he saw but theres no eveidence as it as covered up like with the sasquatch in the solomon island or j fk or mt sinai being found and purple coated alec sez "who u gonna belives?" and she truests her son even though she bever qustions where the purple goop came from

alec sez to marry hima dn she sends him off to eat his gun and the party goes well and mom and kids jump on the bed i mean cuch after it

narrator sez its all good and sucks up to the cat and its revealed the cat is the narrator andhe goes off with his male things down the street and cresits roll

then credits to 00s music

storyboar dartist; michael jackson

camera operator; michael scott?!

and a song by smashmouth

characters in this are fictinal and any connection to living or dead is acc9dental

no, really? i thought it was a biopic abou a huge cat yokai f--kin with reality and cr-p!

the end

overaly, i liked it

its kinda silly, but its not trying to be ben hur or gone with the wind

its got life and style and heart and even though its got that forced sa moment, its not awful

its got a few mparts i smiled at, like his butt pooting, and its colorful and bright and alive

decent acting and nice over the top cartoony cr-p

the cat is like beetlejuice or w/e and ha good chaos and the kids are decent and they didnt turn one of em black like the cartoon on pbs

its got nice animation and effects and is a vibrant silly zany wacky world

glad i saw this, its a nice start of the 00s movie kinda like the grinch and is  good clean pg fun time

For The Cat In The Hat II i want it to be years later and alec has found his way into the cats world and wanders to find the power source to control the chaos and remake it in his image to make a ne copy of the mom and have her as his queen to reign over it with. Also its a 128 bit action game on sega dreamcast, cgamecube, ps2 and xbo where you play as alec and go around this weird a55 world like a n64 castlevania game and one you reach the core, you fuse with it and become the new ruler.

Ninja Gaiden Review

 Note: I spell Nina I mean Ninja

Nionja Gaiden

This is my revirw on Ninja Gaiden from the distant future year to Shiro Ishi of 1991 (20 years before Tranformers The Headmasters and Robotech)

Its directed by Mamoru Kanbe who did Cardcaptors/Cardcaptors The Movie/Elfen Lied/Medabots

It stars Keiichi Nanba from Violence Jack/da King of Fighters Games/Battle Arena Toshinden/Fist of the North Star 2/Flint: The Time Detective/Gundam Wing/Sailor Moon/Saint Seiya/Wizardry/Guilty Gear/Transformers Super God Masterforce/Transformers Victory, Norio Wakamoto from Violece Javk/Cyber City Oedo 808/Dog Soldier: Shadows of the Past/DBZ/DBGT/Fist of the North Star/Ghastly Prince Enma Burning Up/Monster Rancher/Ninja Scroll/Transformers Animated/Transformers Cybertron/Urotsukidōji/Yugioh GX/Street Fighter IV and V/Capcom vs SNK 1 and 2/The King of Fighters 2002/MD Geist, Yumi Touma from OPira Sukeban/Valis IV/Tekken/.hack/Dead or Alive/The Legend of Dragoon/Sonic Lost World/Battle Arena Toshinden/Beyblade/Re: Cutie Honey/Cardcaptors/Crying Freeman/Flint: The Time Detective/Garzey's Wing/Kirby: Right Back At Ya!/G Gundam/Gundam Wing/Pokemon/queer a55 Ranma 1/2/Sailor Moon/Saint Seiya/Slayers/Tekken OAV/Transformers: Super God Masterforce/Transformers Victory/Transformers: Zone/Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer/vOOGIEE'S aNGEL, Daisuke Gouri from Shuten Doji//Cutey Honey/Fist of the North Star/Dragon Ball/Sakigake!! Otokojuku/DBZ/Urotsukidoji/Transformers Victory/DBGT/Inuyasha/Yugioh GX/Transformers Zone/Dead Or Alive/Tekken/Star Fox 64, Saori Suzuki from Sonic X/Fist of the North Star 2/Mobile Suit Gundam Wing/Sakigake!! OtokoJuku, Shinji Ogawa from Batman: Gotham Knight/Dragon Ball/Dragon Ball Z: Plan to Destroy the Saiyajin/Fist of the North Star 2/Ghost in the Shell/Saint Seiya/Transformers: Super God Masterforce/Urotsukidoji/Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal, Unsho Ishizuka from Violence Jack/CB Chara Go Nagai World/berserk/Cyber City Oedo 808/Devilman:Demon Bird Sirene/Digimon tamers (oh joy, the evangelion of Digimon)/dbz kai and super/fatal fury/fist of the north star 2/Macross Plus/Naruto/New Fist of the North Star/Pokémon/Sailor Stars/Shin Kyūseishu Densetsu Hokuto no Ken/Tekken/Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust/Mazinger Z Infinity/Yugioh season 0/Zatch Bell, Yoshiko Sakakibara from Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia/Valis I/Cyber City Oedo 808/Devilman OVA/Digimon The Movie/Ghost in the Shell/CB Chara Go Nagai World/Lily C.A.T./Megazone 23 Part II/Sailor Moon Sailor Stars/Sailor Moon SuperS/Vampire Hunter D/Escaflowne, Arihiro Masuda from Cyber City Oedo 808/Dragon Ball Z/Sailor Moon/3X3 Eyes, Megumi Urawa from Digimon Adventure 02/Digimon the movie/Dragon Ball GT/Dragon Ball Super/Dragon Ball Z/Dragon Ball Z Kai/Dragon Half/Gundam Wing/Pokémon Advance/Sailor Moon R/Sailor Moon S/Sakigake!! Otoko Juku the movie/Transformers: Super God Masterforce/Violence Jack/Toei Yu-Gi-Oh!/Zatch Bell, Shinobu Satouchi from Super Smash Bros/Super Smash Brothers Melee/Star Fox 64/Valis II/Dragon Ball GT/Dragon Ball Z/Dragon Ball Z Kai/Dragon Ball Z: Bardock - The Father of Goku/Dragon Ball Z: Lord Slug/Dragon Ball Z: The History of Trunks/Dragon Ball Z: The Tree of Might/One Piece/Sailor Moon/Sakigake!! Otoko Juku/Transformers: Victory, Yasuhiko Kawazu from Beyblade: Metal Masters/Digimon/Dragon Ball GT/Dragon Ball Super/Dragon Ball Z/Dragon Ball Z Kai/Dragon Ball Z: Broly - The Legendary Super Saiyan/Fatal Fury 2: The New Battle/Inuyasha/Gundam Seed/Mon Colle Knights/Monster Rancher/Sailor Moon/Sonic X/Ultimate Muscle/Witch Hunter Robin, Yusuke Numata from Beyblade/Beyblade: Metal Fury/Beyblade: Metal Masters/Digimon Fusion/Dragon Ball GT/Dragon Ball Super/Dragon Ball Super: Broly/Dragon Ball Z/Dragon Ball Z Kai/Dragon Ball: Yo! The Return of Son Goku and Friends!!/Gundam Seed/Sailor Moon R/Sonic X/Zatch Bell, and a few guys i never saw in cr-p

Its based on the NES Game Ninja Gaiden by Tecmo which I did beat andwas hard but worthy of beating

I saw it b4 and abridged it and liked it and it was animated by Studio Junio who did work on Dragon Ball/Dragon Ball Z/Monster RancherNew Cutey Honey/Slayers - The Motion Picture/Street Fighter II V

There snt even a page for this on bak door, candy a55, soy boy, beta male, sodom bottom, aids bag, hippie peta stoner vegan tree ung fu based on planrs, banana crammer, frooty booty soviet maruta suki wikipedia

so after a 90s cg opening and loos we see this monster and narrator sayng dragon gods ads evil gods fought and evil gods can desroy humanity in a instant, but the power was sealed by those with dragon god blood

is this a thing on lizard people and seraphim and fallen angel bloodlines like in the bible?

the title then in a city at night ryu hayabusais beng chased by guysand theres good light and shadow effects

1 chaser gets arm bladesand more come and ryu draws hi blade and then we get the title as the 1st title was the japanese character for shinobi

then at this antique shop irene is watching the clock and we cut back to ryu cutying down thosmasked blade arms in a fight with blood spraying

he chex da body and gets a card and 1 spazzes out and blos andlater Ryu comes in the shp and Irine nearly caps him

he has a small face cut and she talks of going to a restaurant for her b day buthe sez he'd go next time and she ges bummed

its in soviet new york before oh bba mma took out da tQVV urzand its the 80s so its got cool cr-p

Irene talks with this blonde over how Ryu dont get how she feels andsshe sez to go for him and she sez she'd ask robert how Ryu feels

Robery from art of fighting??

so sturgeon and hammons detective agency has robert sturgeon smoking and with shades like an 80s guy and tells blonde to stay outta Ryus business and his partner jeffery hammond is daisuke gouri and a big hairy guy

blonde is sara and this nerdy chick sez the chief needs her and shows em a paperaying biochemist and ceo of the friedman corperation ned friedman found a cancer cure w/o side effects

sara wants to ge a private interview and thn at his basethe friedman corp is reporters going in and ryu has the card from the guy he iced

friendman dont say sh-t and ryu lwves and as he goes he hears this little girl calling for help and stops by ned friedmans place but fakes tying his shoe to coer it

at night rbert and jeff are drnking and jeff wins the coin flio so robert pays and sara comes by and robert sez he didnt ask ryu yet

she sez she didnt get the interview and at his press conference he didnt say anything but loves bragging to the media, also she herd a rumor of him  and brings em with her

on the way sez tells em what they doing, which she shouldve done b4 as they'd not be informed what they consent to like 2001 a space odyssey

neds accused of human experiments and screams came from his home and a box was carried out sometimes, and cuz its America and not maruta land, they gotta keep it quiet

so the trio go to neds lce and its locked but 1 door opens and when they go in theres a lot of dust on he table

jeff is creeped out and thinks dr ned is sleeping at the office and they look around as its a dump

they think the guy at the conferance was a double and they split up with jeff saying it might be neds ghost screamin but robr sez call ghost busters, which isn't a dub line but acrally in the real version

sara and robert see someting abd robert comes out with a gun ut is disarmed and they recognize each othr wih them asking why ryu is dressed like a ninja

after telling him of biotech human experiments they hear jeff scream and rish to him to find he saw this devolved red skeleton thing with a backwards a55 and tubes with  small red things grown in it like the guy in ghouls n ghosts

they take photoes ande blonde sez she heard they were making weapons and after ryo i mean ryu finds a doll and takes out the film and ez they shouldnt do an article on it cuz they shouldnt be involved

is she a reporter like april o neil in tmnt?

outside robert interrogates ryu if someones trying to unseal the evil gods and its friendman bt ryu sez nothing androber sez they beat jaquio but everone wants the evil gods power

robrt recalls him being in special forces and was ordered to stop jaquio from unsealing the evil gods but he didnt believe in em untl ryu showed up and he left the army to help him when someone else tried to unseal them

he gras ryu but ryu pulls him off and throws a kunai into a masked guy and sz its his destiny as a dragon ninja and dont ant any of his droogs to get iced

at this place sara and friends interviews professor bucky wise of ned friedman and is told bucky last saw him 20 years ago when both were students as he drinks coffee

so he goes on about hw ned wanted to be the savior with biotech and thought ned was nuts and now mightve with his cure but theres a fine line between genius and insanity

they leave and he thinks the guys are her bodyguards and seems into sara cuz like all the chicks in mad bull 34, shes blonde and curvy

she thinks hes nuts and robert thinks he sees who the real enemy is and not like sinead o cnnor and her snl malcontentary

at the shop ryu and irene are there and he sez something of her friend in utah and this cat from dr bucky wie comes in and starts spazzing out then masked enemies with blades come in andryu wastes em with bloodspray like dbz or saint seiya or hokuto no ken and not dragon ball super or kai cuz they are too candya55 to have blood

1 goes for irene and she runs and cowers as she isnt an agent bada55 like in the games and ryu saves her by taking a bit off the top of the masked guy, and by that i mean his whole head and a blood spray

as ryo cuts em down and 1 in 2 1 of em has the facemask come off and hes a devolved flesh creature w/o a mouth and rene caps him but has shell shock

the cops come in and see the dead mutants and the couple is booked it out the window

later ryu sez to stay away from him as he dont want her involved and and wants her to be safe and 80s music plays and its kinda touching

she sez she'll ait for him to return and goes off and meanwhile robet and crew drive their red sports car to irenes place and catch her going but a black car had guys in maskes come out and nab her

robert chases in his red car on their black car but you always bet on black as that car has a gun and blows a hole in the windshield and robert punches it out

the cars fight and ram and robets car goes on the sidewalk and theres fast animationbefore they hit a hydrant and the black one gets away

ryu suits up ninja style and goes to friedmans place and outta the water by it comes fish people like in castlevania and he chops em down

in the detective agency robert knows where they went and sara sez ned took irene captie to bring out ryu

as ryu cuts down masked guys jeff opens a crate of weapons and tells robert to choose one and they both get guns ut jeff sez sara cant come as its dangerous and robert sez she cant run in a skirt so she rips it

robert and jeff go on bototcucle with robert in the b--ch seat as hes not as manly as jeff and sara is bound and gagged in the basement like guys have a fetish for it

ryu slices more mutants masked and ned sez hes looking forward to ryu comming and on the security camera they see jeff and robert bust in with charges on the gate and drive through glass on a mototcycle w/o getting cut up then shredding mutants with gunfire

after blowing away the furrys with a charge they planted and ran past, jeff is shaking as his mercenary instincts are going on and after he quit he thought he could live normal and fake being a coward but now hes happy to be back in the battlefield

robert sez they like booze and battle and women and soem like men, but thats not canon and we dont see jeff b0ning robert like the yaoi fans want

they work on trouble parts and get along with the world and its not only jeff and jeff sez to have a beer after this

ryu gets a psychih message from a blonde girlwho wants him to save her and she gets dark and sez everyone die

ryu find a lab with furries being made in stasis pods and this freaked out lab guy sez da prez sed to make a super human race and the dna if the 1st 2 experimental subjects were added to human dna like with that italiano dameon worshipper aids bag maker and his mandatory devolution needles

ryu sends the lab guy out and the camera sez secret room on it as ryu plants a charge and blows it then ned fires his gun at the tv and whines of ryu ruining his superhuman machine and wonders if ryu understands human evolution

spoiler; evolution is non canon an creation science disproves it

so ned sez he can make new deices as long as he has this power and theres a glowing thing like the demon face fro the start

more furrys attack and jeff and robert waste em and theres good blod spray and ryu climbs the building but 1 more furry attacks and jeff beats it down with his bare hands but is bet on the leg and he gives it a fw headshots

this is bada55. why cant anime be this anymore? instead of wiener kids cryin in the wind!

so jeff sez to go ahead and hed meet him at the bar and as he goes on, this swarm of furrys comes for him and he fires and a chunk of the place blows and robert drops his guns down the stairs shaft center

ryo i mean ryu busts through the glass ceiling which means rain and water will get in and bugs and animals and ruin things, and irene sez ned has a gun

ned reveals this glowing this is the power of the evil gods he made based off a power surge he recorded when ryu beat jaquio and made the super human, or chojin like ultimate muscle or transformers or urotsukidoji, machine he made

robert come sin and ned sez he need to make better fighters as humans can get by em, but then is taken down by a knife in the back from bucky wise not rober wise from west side story and the body snatcher or davif wise from transformers and tmnt and batman tas and he man andsmurfs an battletoads and the mighty ducks cartoon

bucky sez he's used up his usefulness ande ryu freez irene and is told by wise that he's got the evil gods in him as he recorded  their power surge and had ned base the thing off it after wise kidnapped his daughter and made him

a masked  mutant brings the daughter and its the blonde who called to ryu and she has no emotions as wise shanks friedman  with a katana and walks to irene who called her

wise sez ned thought he was fnished cuz he had the evil god power but it was only a replica and to unseal it the need a part of the evil gods boy, which he pulls out of his coat and after the evil gods wre bat by the dragon ninjas they split up the body, but with both the power and bod part it can be unsealed

ryu sez he dont care about hidragon ninja duty but but only irene and she hears it. As long as wise is there and theres evil power he cant have iriene so hes gonna end him

ryu takes out the masked mutant andbsky ise devolves into a big green mone armored black guy looking monsterand has a sword and ryu and him fight and go to the roof

irene has thekid stay bavk and her and robert go to the roof as bucky befouled knocks down ryu, kicks away his sword and steps on him but robert fires on big green only for the shots to bounce off

back door bucky stabs ryo in the shoulder and irene getsb ryys sword and attacks only for big green bucky to grab both her arms with 1 hand and squeeze em, then throw her away as robert fires at him

he jumps to robert for a quick backhand cuz hes a p-mp now cuz he looks africanized and this is 90s japan and irene is out cold from her arms being squeezed, wait, shes just closing her eyes and talking

ryu goes ss5 and grabs his blae and it glows with ki then is tackled by big green buckywise not pennywise who b0nes kids like steven king thinks is a good idea for a book and is ta ckled off the building

as they gradually fall, ryu stanks banana crammer bucky in the back with his blade and both land on the ground, then bucky runs to get his sword but ryo charged and plows into him with his blade b0ning the guys gut and both fall further and through a glass ceiling and bucko lands back 1st on a stone thing

both are down but bucky bites it and jeff brings in the blonde girl as he somehow survived and irene crys on ryus body but hes not dead yet as i think he had an extra guy and shes happy

sara and her nerd friend like irma and april o neil in the 80s tmnt being reporters and 1 being more seductive than the nerd come by and jeff wants to haev a drink but sara slaps robert and b--ches out about wanting to go with em

robert brings her on the ground and is happy to be alive and wants to be married and go to a Church as hes not the kind to live in sin

nerdlinger takes their picture on the ground and robert on top like a lady gaga video with guys b0ning hermaphrodites and not like a go nagai manga with girls b0ned by hermaphrodites and sara dont consent

the bucky cat coems by and the little girl katherine picks up the piece of the demon god and her hair rises with anime powrr but ryo dont care as he makes out with irene and the anime endsto an 80s song and cfedits in japanese

the end

that was pretty good

under 50 mins and a good story to the ninja gaiden canon that has good action and gore

its anime when it was cool and its in new york with human experiments like THEY often do

good animation and art and it has a grown up look instead of wiener kids p-ssing themselves from fear as the cool guys are sidelined

the msuic is good and the acting is well done with good voices from hokuto no ken and dbgt

it changes a few things from the games like irene not being a bada55 agent, and i think robert got it in the games, but this is still good

its a neat little sidestory and holds up

For Ninja Gaiden II I want it to be with the girl and cat fusin into a cat girl daemon and unsealing the evil gods who lay waste to the planet, but Angels save and protect Ryu and his droogs and warp him to another dimension to heal them and have them find the power up to the Dragon Sword that will beat the evil gods. So they go through theseweird german expressionist and bio horror living imension levels and fight guardians of the power to claim the power ups and in the last thing, return to the burning earth a second after leaving as time moved different in there and Ryu fights the giant wicked god that he fights in several areas of its body to break the gems that give it power. Also he beats the catgirl and the cat melts off and frees the blonde girl. Its also a 16 bit platdform gameon Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar and GBA where you play as Ryu and fight through the areas and its a Ninja Gaiden Game but 16 bit and cool.

Taggart Review

 Note: I spell taggeriffic

Taggart

This is my review on Taggart  from the disant future year to D W Griffith, of 1964 (20 years before Transformers G1)

Its directed by R. G. Springsteen who did nothing I saw

It stars Tony Young fropm the 60s star trek, Dan Duryea from Scarlet Street, Sal Mineo from Rebel Without a Cause/Giant/Exodus/The Greatest Story Ever Told/Escape from the Planet of the Apes/Stranger On The Run, Elsa Cardenas from Giant, Jean Hale from My Favorite Martian, Emile Meyer from Shane/Blackboard Jungle/The Man with the Golden Arm/A Time for Killing/More Dead Than Alive, Tom Reese from The Greatest Story Ever Told/Support Your Local Sheriff!/North Dallas Forty/da 60z The Twilight Zone, David Carradine from Kill Bill: Volume 1\Kill Bill: Volume 2\Kung Fu: The Legend Continues\Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman\Lizzie McGuire\Jackie Chan Adventures\King of the Hill\Danny Phantom/Young Billy Young/Celebrity Ghost Stories, Peter Duryea from the 60s Star Trek, Ray Teal from Sergeant York/The North Star/Captain Kidd/My Favorite Brunette/The Snake Pit/Samson and Delilah/the 1950 No Way Out/Along the Great Divide/Ace in the Hole/The Indian Fighter/The Guns of Fort Petticoat/Inherit the Wind/One-Eyed Jacks/Judgment at Nuremberg/Chisum, Claudia Barrett from White Heat/Robot Monster/Seven Ways from Sundown, Stuart Randall from Tomahawk/The Ten Commandments, Peter Mamakos from The Ten Commandments, Arthur Space (Which is his real name) from The Cockeyed Miracle/Tomahawk/the 50s A Star Is Born/The Shakiest Gun in the West/The Swarm/Dennis the Menace/Little House on the Prairie, Harry Carey Jr. from Red River/Blood on the Moon/Gentlemen Prefer Blondes/The Searchers//The Rare Breed/Billy the Kid Versus Dracula/Big Jake/Cahill U.S. Marshal/The Shadow Riders/Gremlins/Mask/The Whales of August/Back to the Future, Part III/The Exorcist III/The Rifleman, William Henry from The Alamo/The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance/How the West Was Won, and some guys I never saw or aint on back door, candy a55, beta male, soy boy, aids bag, weener cleaner, gender offender, sodom bottom, cripple nipple hippie vegan stoner peta tree kung fu based on plants wikipedia, who thinks oj didnt ice anyone but sez The Right Honorable Lee Harvey Oswald did despite neither being found guilty

i never saw this but its baeed on a book i never read by openly french Louis L'Amour who wrote Hondo/Apache Territory/The Shadow Riders

Alsio its david carradine's 1st film

So after title and credits to eidescreen and color we see a cattole ranch and a fam happ on it starting their home there with things going well

their son comes back and mentions a man whos mad at the fam moving onto land he wants even though its gov land and son wants guns to defend themselves and more men

bad guy ben comes by who wants the land and starts a stampede by firing at em and capping the farmahnds

the son fires back andsafter the stampede his dad is in h-ll and  1 guy in a black hat attacks his mom so he goes to save her but is shot

mom spazzes out and he caps her as she whips her and wait, his dads not iced but was shot and he treis to get him to the drand wait i think thers 2 sons and this one is blonde

dad gets help and dr is amazed hes alive and sez to sherrif to leave his boy alone and sherrfi leaves

k so it turns out the dark haired guys dad was the settler on the land and the blonde guy is the one who capped the mom and son nd is ben or bob or w/es son

dark hair challeneged blonde and caps him drawing faster and bob sees and sherrif sez to get outta town or he'd get iced and  retires to bob or ben whos called blazer and is the dad who ot capped

So dark haired hero buried his fam and 40s music plays  and he rides off and wait its a new guy named j jason who meets him at the river tending his head wound and is freindly but dark hero dont want it

jj wants to know if hes on the right road and is told it is and wow we're like 20 mins in already, that felt like nothing, with adds

dr sez if ben rests and isnt excited  he might make it and jj comes in and ben shows em his goons and tells him he wants taggart iced or icing his sons and taggart is the main guy

ben offers 5000$ for the trio if they ice taggot and jj goes with it but wonders if ben is gonna bite it if he'd get paid

ben sez he has a reward for taggot dead or alive and when dr sez to get out jj slugs him and gets a description of taggot and jj and goons go out for it

so at this bar this chick wants to be a dancer and shows her legs and the bar is owned by a mexico whos doing cr-ppy

so she comes back in a skimpier outfit and sez her ranch was attacked by apaches and she came here and needs like 30$ and dark hari hero gives her it and she eventually accepts

so jj and his goons come in for taggot and chick draws their eyes and he gets em at gunpont from behind and gets out and mexico fires the chick

main guy is outside and 1 goon comes after him and gets it and main guy drives off in the apache tarrietory and jj thins they will wack him

the apache attack and and jj and hero hep this fam fight em off and after that jj takes the fam chick captive and gets hero to surrender

jj takes the fams guns and when he reveals he wants to bring in taggotfor the money, the fa drives between em and main guy egts away

the other goon is wounded by the indians attack and taggot has no horse or gun and  this gun comes or him

he grabs it and throws the user but its a blondish chick and she's unsure and later her dad comes by and gets taggot at gunpoint and brings em to the base where a bucket of rocks falls as an alarm

moustache dad is uneasy about him being there and they bring em to a home hidden away as a prisoner wih this mexico chick there who;s  moustache dads 2nd wife

jj and goon go on and goon is f'd out and fals off his horse and jj capa him so he dont gotta worry if he comes back for him

hes been kinda chatty and fun but here he shows hes evil, like a disney villian

although punching the dr was a tip, but some drs got it commin

so later mexico chick wants to leave with main guy as she fears the apqche and thinks her husband is too decroded to do it

se tries seducing him, which theres a commandment against, buthe dont consent and she wants a younger man like a gender swapped leonardo decaprio or hgh heffner

blonde comes by and confronts mexico over seeing taggot at night but mexico sez she wont out her to dad as it might hurt him

he deserves better, not some aids spreading 5kank like those 2020s singer chicks singing of b0ning guys in soviet california

so he sez if she gives him a horse and a gun he'd be gone but she dont wanna work with him and goes off

man we're like an hour in, that felt like nothing, with adds

so main guy sneaks out but sees an apache attacks and saves moustache dad from it and shanks the apache and moustache dad now likes taggot

moustache dad shows taggot this gold mine with 50% pure gold and is gettng it for his mexico and wants to buy her happiness as he dont give her romane and i think thats 50s for he's got a lip d0ng

they get sacks of gold so its gold man sacks and they go back to protect the chix from apache but find jj and disarm him at gunpoint

jj hts on blonde chick and thinks tagot is into the chick andis brought in where he hits on mexico and moustache dad sends her upstairs

tagot sez jj wants him for a reward and jj shows the wanted thing for him but moutache dad dont like killing for profit

also jj got here hearing the rock bucket fall andcuz theres apaches around they gotta stand guard

at nighthero stands guard and sez apace dont attack at night and they get ready to book it

blonde trusts him more tan the wanted thing warrent for his arrest and mexico starts trying to seduce jj and he uses it to lure her in and she tells him of her husbands gold mine

he gets freed by her and when she goes out she meets moustache dad who she tries to keep off but the bucket of rocks falls and he goes to dark haired hero in defense mode

later its day ad the apache attack from the jungle or rees or woods or w/e and moustache dad gets capped but they get him in and fight off the apache

they reveal that jj and mexco left and he claims thatjj made her so they go to a fort thinking thats where jj and mexico will go

outside mexico wants to be with jj andhe sez her ma bit it so shes free

blonde thinks jj didnt force mexico and that if he sees jj that 1 wuill fall jt he sez some cowoy stuff that alpha males say about doing what you gotta do

so latwr mexico dont wanna be with jj anymore like kim karashian dumping the guy she married for a bigger blacker guy after 2 months, so cuz she sed they'd be togeyher all the life, he starts strangling the 5ank, which in the real version might be b0ning her dead like the eye guy in A Serbian Film

then apache attacks and jj books it with da gold and the apache swatm around em as the wagons circle and a fire arrow gets the wagon wiryh mexco in it

shes not fully dea and getsut and when a guy tries to get her back, he gets it

she keeps runing guys, but thakfully an arrow gets her in da back, like kim kardashian and her end by butt problems, and she looks like kim kardashians mom

so jj gets away anddark harired hero in attack modecomes across he massacred people and sees mexico's body

he returns like universal soldier 2 and sez he didnt find her and takes a different path to avoid em but tells blonde mexico was iced by apache, which i think they b0ned and/or ate her, probably at the sae time like in devilman crybaby with the guy b0ning a guy and eating him as he devolves into a daemon

so at the fort jj gets tere and sez the apache are comming and he wants fresh hodes to get the f outta there and that the calvery and civilians got iced

they make him stay and fight and the hero and mouatache dad and blonde arrive asking for his wife but they say they didnt see em

dark hair hero synchro summon tells army guy the guys woman is in h-ll and hedont know andthe apache attack ansthe Americans use cannons to blow em

moustache dad fnds jj and asks where his woman is but jj attacks a wounded man

blonde comes outand sez cr-p i cant here but somehow my mom did and sed to take care of mexico, then bites it

the apache break in but the calvary came in and saved em and chaed out the apache

jj attacks hero but hero wastes jj and sends him to h-ll with his mexican woman and walks to the blonde

the end

that was pretty good

some charm, wit, heart, edge and drama

good music and acting and the bad guy had charisma hile being evil like ivan ooze in power rangers

main guy had a deep voie like lee marvin but seemed too oung for it

nice advancement and it didnt drag and had good flow

i liked it, it told a cool story

plus the mexican chick being bad was a good twist

For Taggart 2 I want the dad blazr to have gotten desparate and had steamounk tech built into his body t keep him alive and go hunting the main guy in the 1st one. Also the main guy has trained in kung fu and can now use 120% of his bodies full power and has Ki Blasts. Also its a 16 bit platformer like Castlevania Bloodlines on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar, and GBAwhere you play as either the Hero and figtht across 1800s America to find and beat the shero, or as the hero and do the opposite route in levels in reverse ordr to find the blazer cyboeg dad.

Game Reviews Volume 34 From 2023 and 2024

 The next bunch of games I beat from the last day of last year and the 1st few months of this one.

Just beat Golden Axe Warrior for Master System on my 2DS. Its a Zelda Clone that kinda improves it related to the Beat Em Up. 1 button is using Item like Sword or Torch and the other opens the Menu while Start can pause it, which comes in use when needing to pause on/off fast to dodge things. You go around this Phantasy World and get the 9 Color Crystals to open Death Adders lair and get the Golden Axe to slay him. You can find the past Golden Axe Characters to get you Magic and can chop down trees with an Axe to find hidden areas. It plays pretty well and you get an item in each Dungeon to help you get to the next one. I actually found Dungeon 2 and beat it before the 1st. There's crab things that make your armor rust and you need Oil to fix it and if you bite it, you can Continue and lose some money, or End and go back to the last Save File, but you pretty much get infinity Tries. Also enemies don't always come back fast so you can attrition your way to win. Its got towns with people that say things that help and there's Armor and Weapons to get to make you stronger, as well as small quests like getting a guy an apple or get enough money to buy an item. Also is Card Games of choosing 3 cards that give/take Money and enemies drop Money and Food as well as an Hourglass that stops enemies for a bit. Some bosses can be beat by standing in the Doorway and spamming Attack as you don't take damage, but others it don't work on. Often you gotta press Candles on a wall to open something or use an Earth Spell on a brick to open something. Its got nice graphics and good music and when the Golden Axe Theme plays with the past guys it feels good. It might be for coming out after it, but like Castlevania Bloodlines and Contra Hard Corps, I think this exceeds the Nintendo version. Also the story is cool and your sprite changes with new equips. When using Torch the item goes back to sword after use so you don't gotta menu it. Glad I did this. Its grand.

Just beat Disney Epic Mickey Power of Illusion for 3DS. Its a Platformer and connected to the Genesis Game Castle of Illusion where Mickey goes through a few levels and saves other Disney characters. Y is a spin attack like Taz in WB, B is jump and again to butt hammer em, but if you do it at the right time, its a super butt hammer and you go higher, A is throw paint, X lets you stop the action to touch the screen and draw, L or R lets you swap firing Paint/Thinner and Start Pauses. You use the Touch Screen to draw on a thing to bring it to life with Paint or erase it from existence with Thinner. You collect Tickets like Itchy And Scratchy Money to buy Upgrades and if you bite it, you restart the area with the same number of em you entered with. If you make it to the check point, which is the moving to the next zone, you keep the Tickets but turning it off ends em. You can talk to saved characters and can do tasks for em to get more power ups or Toon Heart Power to unlock more levels. There's like 3 bosses and the game isn't long. The graphics are very well done and look like a 2D Cartoon and the music is fitting. It controls pretty well but its tricky at times. I think I preferred the Genesis for control but this is a pretty solid game. Cost like 20 or 30 $ but I had my dad get me it for Xmas from the guy I ordered it from. The text is a bit hard to make out and you gotta sit through the unskippable cut scenes each time you enter the boss fight or thing, but its not bad. Glad I did this one. Its worth it if you can get it cheap.

Just beat Mighty Gunvolt on 2DS. Its a 2D Platform Run And Gun game done 8 bit style that's like NES Mega Man. You play as 1 of 3 guys and each has its own abilities but the levels are all the same for each playthrough. B is Jump, Y is Attack, Holding Y does a super move, Start Pauses and A is Yes, but I'd prefer A to be Jump and B to be Arrack like on GB/NES. 1 guy can double jump and use a Flamethrower as a Super, but it automatically goes off when charged. The girl can Hover pressing/holding Jump in air for a bit and Charm enemies to work for you with Super. And the guy from Mighty Number 9 can Rush like Mega Man X with Down and Jump and do a Rush Attack as a Super that can be used in mid air. You collect Hearts and Candy and can break some blocks to get em and the bosses have their own life bars but most enemies are easy and take like 3 hits. The graphics are good and have that NES Style look, but might be a bit much for NES, like how avatar the last airbender is anime style but not a real anime. The music is good and you can get extra guys pretty easy. There's check points in each level and one right before the boss and I never ran otta guys cuz the game is pretty lite and easy. Also is 3 save files that autosaves and the game can be beat with all 3 character runs in under an hour. Its pretty fun and doesn't take too much time to do so its like the NES games of the 80s but not as crushing like Ninja Gaiden or Ghosts n' Goblins. The game boss is tricky but if you stay on the side and jump at the right time its not hard. Glad I did this one. Its a quick game thats a good Throwback. Oh and each of the characters fie different with Number 9 firing lower and the chick aiming higher. And it affects the game as some have you jumping to reach enemies with your Peashooter and others you can stand. And some paths can only be used by some guys. The game is pretty linear though and there's a few fork paths but they lead the same place.

Just beat Double Dragon IV on PS4. Its an 8 bit style beat em up w/ up to 2 players and this one tells you which mode you hit each other. You assign what buttons do what and there's punch, kick, jump, and 3 stronger moves like headbutt, elbow and big kick. You can use the D Pad to do things like a spinning headbutt and can knee or uppercut by pressing kick or punch when getting up like after a jump or being knocked down. A knee can be done each time you land by hitting kick at the right time. You get 5 Continues or 7 on 2 player but that adds more enemies at times and 3 guys each with no way to get more and the only time you heal is after beating a level. Its got nice NES Style graphics and the music can be in 8 bit or mode and is good. It controls well and the spin kick is jumping then using kick in air. The moves work well and the platforming is much better than the past ones with a Jump button. Its made by like 5 guys and they got some of the original DD staff to do this. There's usually an area at the bottom of the place you an walk that the enemies can't get to so you can hide there to line em up to counter attack. There's also some parts that are 2D like Altered Beast where you don't go up/down. This game follows the NES Canon and says which games go where. 1st 1, then 3, Then 2, then this, and Marion is alive in it. Its a hard one but can be beat in under 1 hour. If you can get through the 1st 6 levels on 1 Continue then you got a better chance of beating it. Its hard but the kind of hard that makes you wanna try harder. It gets tougher as it goes on and 1 level is a maze where you gotta go through the correct doors. I go Middle, Right, Right. The story is good and the cutscenes are well done. There's also a duel mode and a Tower to unlock other characters and fight through levels to see how far you get. Its a good game and one of the better DD Games I played. Glad I got this. Its the game we wanted in the 80s. And a button next to the center is start.

Just beat BlazBlue: Clone Phantasma on 2DS. Its a kinda 3D Fighting Game like Power Stone or Rave Master on GameCube where you play as one of the BlazBlue guys and fight waves of enemies til you beat enough to move on. You don't really have a life bar but I think as you take damage you get hit further. A is attack, B is jump (Which is backwards) Y is Super Attack, X is Block I think I never really used it, L/R is zoom camera, which keeps zooming in w/o using it and making it hard to see, and D Pad is also Camera with Start as Pause. You get unlimited tries to beat it and every few rounds you get a Boss to beat where 1st to get knocked off 3x is out. There's also a Damage Bar that goes up to Three and using Special Moves boosts it. Also using a Special Move with higher Damage makes you dizzy for s bit. The final boss is tough as its the guy you just beat but bigger and you gotta get his damage u and hit him hard to send him off. I spend more time on him than the rest of the game. Its not too bad and the graphics got that PSP style of Polygons and simple style. The guys are Chibi and it plays pretty well but the buttons could be assigned better and the camera could be better. Its a simple game and I used Izayoi as she's the only I didn't mind the least. Its voiced and has the girly Japanese voices you hear in these games and can be beat in under an hour if you know what to do. Its by Arc System Wor+ks and I think they did ok here. Glad I did this one. Its simple but other than the last round, pretty fair.

Just beat The Legendary Starfy on DS. Its a platformer thats the 1st to come over to America as we didn't get the GBA ones. You play as a Starfish guy and go across 8 levels with like 4 areas but if you find the secret thing in some you can unlock other ones that have Treasure that tells things in the story or power ups for formes or Heart Things that after Three of em you get an extra hit. You can take several hits and when you run out of em you can start from the last checkpoint or go back to the map. You got this Mario World Map thing where you go to different areas and gotta get to the end. Y is Spin Attack that if overused makes you dizzy for a bit and B is Jump, but if underwater you move faster. Holding Y lets you run and X goes into Doors. You get other abilities as it goes on and can see how to use em when granted em and can recheck on the menu. It autosaves after each level and there's save points around that heal you when used. You collect Pearls and after enough small ones you refill a heart and big ones do more. You get unlimited tries and the game is pretty forgiving and lite. Some parts have you combine with this Rabbit Alien and turn into animals to get past things. There's a few autoscrolling and escape the rising fire levels but its not too bad. On Land you move slower and gotta walk not swim but it works pretty well in both. The story is told in clever expressive comic motion things and has good writing and translation. The characters are well done and have good personality and its quite likable. Sorta like Kirby but I like this more. The graphics are colorful and positive and the music is nice. There's an option to let your sister do the level but I never tried it so I'm not sure what it does. After the final boss there's a bunch of bonus levels with his sister and kind of a midquel to events in the game. I had a good time with Starfy and its like if Kirby was good unlike Kirby on GBA. Glad I did this one.

Just beat Mighty Gunvolt Burst on 2DS. Its a crossover of Mighty Number 9 and Azure Striker Gunvolt where you play as one of em and fight 8 bosses, then the other guy you didn't choose, then a few extra levels, a boss rush of the 1st 8 guys again, then a clone of you and the final boss with several formes. B is jump, Y is shoot and A opens a menu to use a power move that you can build up more of by busting enemies at close range. You can collect food like Watermelon or a Burger and use it on that level you got it on but if you bite it, you go back to a check point and can recollect it and try again. Instead of lives and continues you get a save file that autosaves and it counts how many times you bit it as Retrys. Its a pretty solid game and while hard, you can get through it with more attempts until you get good or lucky. You can customize your guy with a lot of variables like bullet type, post damage invincibility, bullet size, auto charge, and other things. It took me a while to figure this out and I did much of the game with the basic peashooter. After beating a boss you can choose your prize, more max power that lets you use more customization called CP, A new weapon, or a sticker to collect. You can face the main 8 bosses in any order and they have a super attack that is used when hit enough. Th graphics are 8 bit style but more impressive and the music is good. Its wat gaming should be instead of devolving to bad 3D like the PlayStation Contra Games. I liked this one and its a worthy game to try. Its hard but the kind of hard that pushes you onward to wanna keep trying to beat it. Glad I did this one.

Just beat Blaster Master Zero on 2DS. Its an 8 bit style game by Inti Creates and Sunsoft so you know its good. Its kind of a reboot and sequel of the 80s one with bits of the story taken from both Japanese and American Canon with stuff from the Novelization by Worlds Of Power. You can change what buttons do what and 1 is Cannon, 1 is Jump, 1 is Special Attack, 1 is Get In/Out of the Tank, R locks your aim in the Top Down levels and lets you climb walls in Tank and L can open the Weapons Menu if you don't wanna use the Pause Menu with Start. You can use D Pad and A Stick to move and the game is mostly 2D Side Scrolling. There's doors you go in to do Top Down areas as the Human in a Power Suit with a Gun and by collecting grey power ups, you can get access to better weapons like a Wave Gun that burns through things and a Flamethrower that melts ice. If you take hits the Weapon Bar goes down and you gotta power it up again to use the better Weapons. It plays pretty well and you can unlock more Power Ups as the game goes on that get you access to other areas. You can go back and the game has save points and you can save with the Touch Screen Menu. For the TRUE final level you gotta get ALL the power ups and face a boss rush before the REAL final Boss that's kind of a mirror match. The story is good, the graphics are great and the music is lively. Each area is different and has its own style and there's a map you can use on the Pause Screen. Its a great game and one of the better NES Style games I've done. Sunsoft was one of the best 8 bit guys around and its great they came back for the 8 bit renaissance. Glad I did this one. Oh and you have special abilities with a Blue Bar that refills after a while. And you get unlimited tries and often resummon from the last save point or last door you came out of.

Just beat Kirby No Pinball/Kirby's Pinball Land on Game Boy. Its a Pinball game where you use A for the Right Flipper and Left on the D Pad for the Left one and Start to pause. Also other parts of the D Pad can bump the Table. You got 3 boards that go vertically where you gotta get to the top and fight a boss by solving some puzzle like hitting eggs to hatch em and nailing guys trying to ice em. At the top you fight a boss from the games like Whispy Woods and gotta avoid falling and hitting a star to send you back and crawl your way up. Also its really easy to fall and have to claw back up with great difficulty. To make it worse, you gotta clear all 3 boards and beat King DeDeDe on 1 Continue as that's the only one you get. You can get extra guys by collecting the E X T R A Letters on the Table Select Screen that show up on cleared Tables, but odds are, you'll beat the game before getting enough letters as there's 3 Tables and you need 5 Letters. The game is pretty unfair and hard and I didn't even want this one, I got it free when I ordered Sailor Moon R on GB and the guy gave it to me with it. I got the Japanese Version and there's no language barrier but the game is brutal. There are 2 codes to use that aid you. While holding Select and Left on the Title Screen Press A or B and when you go to the Table Select screen, it sends you to the bonus level. And while holding Select and Right on the Title Screen Press A or B and when you go to the Table Select screen, it sends you to the Boss and if you fall off into the Warp Star, it sends you back to the Table Select. I made it to the boss on each level on my own then went to the Boss Mode and beat the game. In there getting the Warp Star has the E X T R A letters resummon and you can get more guys with enough tries. Also the Table Select is a Pinball thing but you can fall in the cannon at the bottom and wait for it to aim. Pretty hard, not too fun, but I'm not big on Kirby or Pinball. Glad I beat it.

Just beat Skies of Arcadia Legends on GameCube. Its a long Jrpg where you play as these Sky Pirates who fight this evil Italiano Inspired Empire. You go around in Airships across the skies and go to temples and kingdoms to help the people. In battle you get Spirit Points each turn that the team can use to use Super Moves or Magic. There's 6 colors you can change your weapon to and after battle, you get points that when enough are got, learn you new spells for that color, Like Green being Healing and Silver being Revival. You get weapons and armor/items to equip and boost stats and add effects. Also is using Moon Berry's to unlock other. The graphics are great and the music is fitting. I like the adventurous theme and the longing tune in the town people gave up. It was a Dreamcast game 1st but this is the upgraded version with less random encounters and more Exp. You can discover things in the skies like monuments and find pirates on a wanted list for rewards. You get better ships as the game goes on and can use magic in air battles between ships. Those have you given 4 moves with a symbol like a color to say how safe you are and chose what moves to do, including a Power Move using a lot of Spirit. The story is really good and the hero has hope and courage instead of being an emo. There's good plot twists that are best unspoiled and as you go on, you gain access to more of the map. The art done like a late 90s anime and has great expressions. The characters have good feels and motives and its took me like 60 hours to get through of game time. You can save at save points but in the Skies you can use Start or w/e to save or go to the bridge. The kingdoms are based on real places like Asia and the characters are designed well. It cost me 266$ in Canadian Pesos in box with manual and I'm glad I got it. Its got hope and was a grand adventure that's kinda like One Piece which started 2 years before this 1st came out. The 128 bit RPGs were quite a treat.

Land Shark Review

 Note: I spell like this movie, w/o l;ogic

Land Shark

This is my review on Land Shark from the distant future year (to Chris Latta) of 2017 (The year of the Malcontent Upsisings in Robotech)

Its directed by Mark Polonia who did a lot of cr-ppy direct to video movies I'd love to see

It stars no one I've seen in anything and is a cr-ppy little direct to video shark movie that I never saw b4 and gets bad reviews, but I'd probably love as I like silly cr-p like this

Its not even on back door candsy a55 beta male soy boy wiener cleaner gender offender hippie vegan peta stoner tree kung fu based on lants aids bag soviet wikipedia

So after some 80s style logos we get an amusement park and town by the sea were this bikini chick goes by seagulls and has an arm tattoo

eventually she, wait, this is daylight and tinted to look night but not much

so she goes in the sea ands drops a bottle but sees something and goes backl and lays on the sand as this shark fin goes across the land andwe see the monsters p o v

eentually it drops goo on her and rips her up offscreen andgoes back to the sea

then title and credits like done in a cheap editing program

then its actual night and this sea captain but not like the simpsons and his crew member pull up a net and find its gone and the fish are gone from days ago

we see the monsters p o v and it gets the captain then his member comes out and fires at it with a gun but is eated

then its the malco research faculity, like malcontent?, off the coast of the soviet republic of california, and people in full bio suits and putting goo in things are workimg on something

a blonde sees a shark and notices something is wrong and callsthis dr foster like in Ninja Gaiden and tells him the shark numbers decrease in multiples of 2

he comes down and sez its a glitch as charks cant come and go from there and this work can benifit mankind, but he sez huan kid like a beta male or frenchie

foster calls a hag whos kinda b--xhy and was his ex i think ans sez  how da sharks left the tank and returned but she gets b--chy over not being told

He sez they crawled outta the tank and retured and can stand 20 mins out of water and it might be a new super predator, but hag sez its her funding that made it. After hangng up he sez its his hard work and he injects himself wirh goo

later blondelooks at sharks and counts em but she looks like a bimbo but with tied hair and glasses to fake being a nerd

he calls foster and sez she counted and found 1 is missing and he se he has it in his lab and its right there moving its fin in a tank

at this concrete floor ad hard hat worker place a guy works a dial and checks his phone and eventually a shark gets him

blone trys calling and the phone f's out and the shark thing goes through the sea and on land and this bimbo and her butt buddy are out in the wasteland for a photoshoot and she poses qwhile whining that guys online wanna see her bod like guys finding you hot is bad

after it she looks through the photoes and butt buddy wonders what this other guy does with photoes he takes of her and thinks hes j=rkin off

he goes to the van and the shark thing gets him and eventually bimbo comes by and gets to the car and the shark gets her and goes off somehow across land and back to da sea

blonde wants to find the maintence man to fix the phone and foster goes with her anbd they find the hard hat guy iced and foster puts a net over him and wont let her call the cops and wants her to clean it up or he'd black male her with dirt on her past and she consents

hag tells her to keep quiet on video phone and sez if she goes against em they'd ice her

foster sez he adapted sharks to function on land and use em for weapons and defence as living  weapons like cobra la in g i joe or jurassic world

she realizes thats why theres changes in the shark population in the tank and goes with it and goes back to looking at sharks and looking at a clip board

foster is having dreams of a cr-ppy monster like outta tattooed teenage alien fighters from beverly hills or maybe brats of the lost nebula andafter looking at the mirror and having flashes, akes up as its a dream in a dream

blonde seez theres three sharks out and fostercomes inand learns she cpuldnt sleep and he shos herhis serum and how he needs new test subjects

then he zaps the sharks and i think it ices em and she sez the missing ones will come back i mean not come back somehow knowing it

hag learns they iced the sharkls and blonde ares for em and sez they were planning to move soon but they need to waste the remaining aharks which have trappers i mean trackers

blonde laves and hag, whos a cr-ppy actor but it makes the movie more fun, sez he knows wat to do when they catch em

later foster gets a bag of erum and blonde takes a shower but we dont see her nips and  this thing is in her place and when she looks out of the shower theres nothing there and the thing is utside

in this pool at night this lusty couple is wearing sunglasses at night like cory hart or timmy wiseau and i mean tommy wiseau andthe shark thing gets the guy taking a selfie and then his chick

then its day on a boat and chik dont like being with foster on a boat and they go by the beach and amusment par from b4 and shes got thicc hips

she takes a tracker and goes to the beach and foster calls i think hag and she wanders around the areauntil shes under a pier andthen is driven in a car by foster following the signal

at this beach the shark fin is thee and she finds it in the mainland and this bum drinking from a paper bag and wearing jeans and a leather coat is walking around

blonde and foster come out but not like back door buce or manly brad and have some kinda flesh gordon blasters and look for it

bum fals over and saw something and when they come by the bum sez he saw the land shark and they dont buy it and he laughs

they go in this tunnel that people probably b0ne things in as its soviet california and foster wants to wait for it to return to the sea, but she sez the tunnels have water at times and it might be a while so the 2 othes miht do cr-p so they go in

on the other end of the tunnle the shark is behind em and on top of the tunnel and is cr-ppy ps1 cg but it a puppet in close ups

they hide and she takes off her coat to show a tank top and she zaps his foot to make him come out and when the shar sees it, they laser blast it dead wih blood holes

they burn the shark somehow and go back to the car and she sez da shark hates him more than her over a territory thing of riva sharks

they can't do anymore now despute it being daylight and they stop at a motel and on the news the bum sez he saw the land shark and 2 guys were dino might fishing and caught a shark they shot and the cops fined em for gun and aspolosidves permits as soviet california has no freedom

in the hotel toilet the foster injects the serum and has flashes of this power rangers thing and at night this chi in yellow and a skirt missed the train and the shark got her looking like a cr-ppy ray harryhausen puppret

he next day foster didnt sleep well and she notices he had a cut on his hand and asks why e got into science

he sez he loved the vast mysterious ocean and then saw jaws and she sez he's raeping nature and profiting off war andusing science for evil, but he sez so do un and car makers

she whines about evolutio, which is fake, and how sarks happened over millions of years and hes twisting em

actually, sharks aren't as violent as movies make em seen, but dolphins are like gacy meets dahmer with icing small animals for fun and b0ning people

she sez da little mermaid was her fave movie as a kid and now likes the ocean, but what about all the undersea daenons and ningen and yokai and cr-p?

so they rive on and we see the shark go by with a puppet and they go out on a dry grasslands like africa and hills like in power rangers

da bum is following em or in da area and when he asks a guy for money is told f u, but hes like, f me? f u!! and later p-sses but its on the shark who bites off hids parts then eats his gut open and hamberger meat guts come out bere he eats off his thighs like chicken

good cheesy low buget gre and humor

so blonde and the foster come by a house in the area and go in and its a mess and theres a hand on the floor like splatterhouse 2 and maybe three or 1

da shark comes by da home and eventually they wander around outsude and go to da woods but the scanner sez its by em and it tackles he in da womb area and bites his leg but leaves em and they try to go back to a house

da shark is behind e and they run as it somehow moves on land and they get in the house and beat it away and close da door

he wraps gause on her abs and ther no bruise and his legs not dat ba bit but theres black ooze in it and she dresses it

they go out and da shark is on da house somehow and jumps dow and the aim theur guns at it for a bit b4 firing but it books it

they chase it and the hunter is the huned and they dispure where it went and she sees the fin and they fire but its only a pile of rocks

theysee it get to the ater and fire at the river but it does jack sh-t and jack is j=rkin off on the floor

wait they capped it an it comes up butisnt dead ad attacks but dont get close t em so she fires at power lines andit aps the area and it asplodes in a fireball for some reason

So they got 1 left and foster wants to continue the experiment and they stop by a house and she goes to it and he wanders off

her detectot beeps and she wanders around looking for him andfinds him a bigt f;d, thinking its from the shark bite infection

foster sez the other shark was caught at a resort and knocks down her detector and reveals he experimented on himself with shark dna and devolved himself as a shark cant hold a weapon or drive a vehicle and he didnt tell anyone

then he spazzes out and devolves into a shark furry but not like the street sharks nd comes at her but not with his j-zz

her gun dont work and she runs and he chases her and i guess we forggot about his leg bite and he spastically goes around until he catches her and she grab his head and gets in his gills or w/e, which is a big weak point, and he bites it

so much for the utimate killing machine, stopped by some blonde j=rkin off his neck like hes turning into a d0ng

so he turns back to human mode andsez there were other exepirments and she shakes him with her thicc buns sticking out and has good acting and he bites it

then we see the beach and a shark fin the size of the pier its next to pops up and i'd assume that the water is ultra deep as the rest of the shark would be pretty huge

the end

that was pretty cheap and cr-ppy

i liked it

made for little, some stuff was fun, clearly not meant to be srs

its openly bad so its not trying to be Ben Hur or Gown With The Wind or The Ten Commandments

A silly cheesy shark movie

the acting was bad but it works for it, like shenmue or house of the dead in arcades

the music is that cr-ppy public domain things used by the bad power rangers when disney took over(and outcheaped saban)

the effects are kinda home made but i like em, it has charm

its the kinda movie you watch with ur drinking buddies and have a good laugh

I watched it on Youtube so it might have cut the nips or a55cracks but other than that, it was pretty solid

Plus the blonde hero chick showed some good acting at the end and the bum was pretty tongue in cheek

glad I saw this one, its silly and makes no sense, but its not trying to

And the shark effects were cheesy and fun

For Land Sahrk 2 I want the giga shark to have been revealed to be a land shark and be busting up soviet california like a kaiju. Then the blonde is told by an angel that theres a secret cave with ancient tech from before Noah's Flood and in it she finds a battle mech suit. She gets in it and fights the shark in an epic battle that busts up soviet california and all these junkies and cannibals see their chance and start going nuts thinking they got nothing to lose and start eating and b0ning people alive as california devolves into chaos. So after beating the shark, she sees claifornia is just as bad as the shark and starts wasting em. Also its a 128 bit game like that Godzilla one but on GameCube, Dreamcast, xbox and ps2 where you play as the chick in a mech armor or the shark or a buncha monsters made up for the game and fight through the claifornia and have mini games of wasting the malcontents in there.

Stranger On The Run Review

 Note: I sopell Stranger than you

Stranger on the Run

This Is My Review On Stranger On The Run from the distant future year of 200 -33 or 1967 in 20th centure cr-p (40 years before Transformers Season 4 in America)

Its directed by Don Siegel who did Invasion of the Body Snatchers 1/The Beguiled 1

it stars henry fonda from the 39 Jesse James/The Grapes of Wrath/The Ox-Bow Incident/Fort Apache/12 Angry Men 1/The Tin Star/the 1959 Warlock/How the West Was Won/Firecreek/Once Upon a Time in the West/The Swarm, Anne Baxter from Five Graves to Cairo/The North Star/Angel on My Shoulder/The Ten Commandments/the 60s Batman, Michael Parks from The Bible: In the Beginning.../From Dusk till Dawn 1/Kill Bill: Volume 1/Kill Bill: Volume 2, Dan Duryea from Scarlet Street, Sal Mineo from Rebel Without a Cause/Giant/Exodus/The Greatest Story Ever Told/Escape from the Planet of the Apes, Lloyd Bochner from The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear/the 60s The Twilight Zone/The Golden Girls/Batman: The Animated Series/The New Batman Adventures, Michael Burns from the 60s The Twilight Zone, Tom Reese from The Greatest Story Ever Told/the 60s The Twilight Zone, Bernie Hamilton from The Jackie Robinson Story/Scream Blacula Scream, Walter Burke from Dark City/How the West Was Won/Support Your Local Sheriff!/the 60s The Twilight Zone/the 60s Batman, Rodolfo Acosta from Hondo/One-Eyed Jacks/How the West Was Won/The Greatest Story Ever Told/Young Billy Young, George Dunn from the 50s Daddy Long Legs/Joe Dakota/Inherit the Wind/The Beguiled/The Andy Griffith Show/My Favorite Martian/The Beverly Hillbillies, Pepe Hern from The Rifleman, and a few guys i never saw in anything.

Its a tv movie I never saw and people said was pretty good

after logoes and cretids and title to a soft song and proper fullscreen ad 60s color this ttain comes in to town and a guy is chucked out of it

also this is like 97 mins but 2 and a half hours on grit with a lot of adds

after he soaks his head in a htough he talks with a black guy about finding whskey  and crals under a train to see them  unloading it

he's told if he works for it at 20 cents an hour he can have some and starts unloading it and carrying it to the bar or w/e

he sees the deputee and hears there was a bonfire a while agot and its a  railroad town

so the town people talk in a place and hear of wild bill hickok and it reminds me of the meeting of the generals in Skies Of Arcadia Legends

1 eggs on another asking how to spell girl fighter? 1 word or 2 and a gun is pulled on him which seals his a55 of a mouth

so some guy in a bowler hat comes by and sez they iced people not birds and asks the age of 1 guy and offers to have 1 of this scuzzy guys men let go and to get the job done

scuzzy comes out and talks with bowler but hes got an accent and is hard to understand and bowler dnt understand him either

so scuzzo sez 1 guy is wanted for icing guys and bowler sez he will deny all nowing that such men were wearing a company badge

so main guy gets some booze and drinks it and hears the next train is 8 am and hes taking the work and he asks about a chick alma britton whos left days ago and the guys make a deal of it

he inquires more and is told to take the train elsewhere and then we cut to gunmen shooting bottles

a blonde chick comes in and wants soda water but soda is better but we call it pop and  and in the bar meets main guy and seems uneasy with him

the boss comes by and sez man guy is helping for the dad and chick dont like him so that means they will fall in love and b0ne and have 400 babies to repopulate the planet after the nucular apocalypse

so the towns guys who are probably the bad guys are testing their might in accuracy and the guy asked his age dont wanna unless he has to ice somone and girl gfighter guy sez a man in ton asks about alma

so the town leaders interrogate main guy and he runs but is caught and won talkbut scuzzo saves him from the pig like guy

pig man tries to fire on him but scuzzo sherrifs droog pulls a fire arm and sez "do and ur dog meat" and saves him

later scuzzo i think visits a dark haired girl in bed whos probably got aids or w/e they spread in the 1800s and asks if she knows who was it and she dont wanna tell him as its company law in a company town

she wants revenge on some guy for beating her andhas bruises on her and is kind of a sourpuss

elsewhere blonde wants to help this blonde guy with some train thing and hes 17 and wants to get him tain work but he likes being a paid gunfighter for a railroad

pretty sure hes gonna go to h e double soviet california

so blonde guy sez he sed she'd go to dinner with a guy and she is gonna do it and i think he's her son

later its nnight and boss tells main guy the chick got beat by a special agent as he got aids but hes not an agent like hes got soul but hes not a soldier

scuzzo talks with age guy and is told its best to gtfo and the guys need something to get their minds off the place and its suggested a dance and age guy tlaks of a hunting pack how they took em out running when not used for a while

scuzzo tells of his life how at 15 he went off and wound uo on th chain gang and used to have a big house in denver as a kid

main guy goes by this shack and its got alma britton or w/e her name is and he sez hes a friend of her brothers and i think he finds her iced and he books it

also its clearly daytime but tinted to fake being not but clearly is

wow we're like an hour in, that felt like nothing but holds my attention

so the bad guys are riding around and its openly daylight and they come across main guy and he sez she was dead when he got there and he was sent by her brother  to help her escape from the train area

pig mna wants to string him up and drag hang him as theres no tree in the wasteland like in violence jack

scuzzo sez he can try to escape to chi wa wa and the guys liked alma and he'd not make it to a court of law and he gets a horses a55 and runs

pigman sez hes giving him a head start and they'll get him later and main guy winds up in some area and finds a pot boilig on a fire and burns himself on it

the campfire owners are there and 1 is the black guy, maybe from b4 as he recognizes him and he tells him the railroaders iced a guys brother a few months ago

blackula sez to say if he's asked what he is, to say hes a man and to prove it and when main guy sez his dad come and gone blacula sez that means he's still ot a shot

also blonxe guy is with the bads and age guy is talking with him and they see main guy riding a horse and chase him and open fire

its like a car chase in the 1800s befroe they made cars

so they chase him to a place with rocky hill and the homies he met with the coffee pot aid him and sniper like with j fk and harambe what else to i have to say?

age guy gives blonde advice on how to use a fire arm and is given one and the gunfight goes on for a while and the mexico sez he gets to ice gr-ngoes and get paid but then gets capped like he;s vasquez who was mistaken for a man but really its you

1 gu runs up and takes out a guy standing in the open firing then the black guy got it cuz hes black and they dont make it, then agan, usually everyone gets it so its ok

wait he only got it through the shoulder and in the meat and main guy helps his blicketee black homie droog guv nuh

so main guy and blacula go on in closet daylight but tnted and blaclua compliments him o doing well under stress and fire

so they go their own ways and main guy goes to steal a horse as his got a f'd leg andblonde chick gets him at gunpoint andrecognizes him

he sez he left her his horse and wants to trade like pokemon or yugioh crds andshe sez she thinks hes gonna jack one but not like in freddy got fingered

her cow is fd and he sez its going to the shadow realm and she got the gun for it but he sez the cow is pooping ou a twisted calf and to get soap ater and lube like caster oil

she was using booze on the cow which might f up its calf and out in the battlefeld the age guy wants to get this scarred faced mexicany looking teen help but they say to stay with him here

imagine if the chic wasnt really dead and this went ox bow incident?

so then its day tme and the calf was pooped out and dried off rom all the womb goo and she sez sorry for saing hes braver vs women and they get along and talk of her blonde son

she makes an unkosher breakfast of ham and he wants to go but she sez she can see guys 10 miles away from the hill and her husband was 59 when he married her at 16 like a hollywood guy but te girl is like 2x the usual age and they got along and he bit it a decade ago

so he eats an unkosher breakfast and get along and talk of the lifes and as hes gonna leave the blonde son comes over and gets main guy at gunpoint saying he iced alma britton

she dont buy it as he saved her cow but often murderers like animals and wehn son asks why main guys wearing dads clothes, blone smacks him andtells him off

main guy advances on him and takes the guy as son sez he's cap him and main gu sez hes a boy and then in comes someone but it cut to commercial and i didnt see who it was

age guy or pig guy brings blonde to hepscarface and its age guy and they send scarface off on a bumpy cart and age guy has main guy caught and they'd wait for scuzzo whos named mckay like the little nemo guy

after talking and main guy is told mckay is the guys friend, the guy cuts main guy free and sez theres a train or w/e heading off in the am

whenthe pack gets backscuzzmo mckay wants to avenge ama but age guy sez he dont wanna murder him as he might not have iced alma britton and mckay sez when dogs are around too long they lay in the sun until a guy puts it down and to wear his glasses but age guy se they dont hep much, so mckay sezwhat good are you anyway?

so at blondes place blonde and son look after scarface and a guy comes by and sez main guy is anted for icing alma britton and wait its not blondes place

mom wants better for son but he sez this is is way and this is who he am andshe asks him not to go but he thinks shes asking for main guy and sezhe likes mckay

main guys horse booked it and some guys see him and are mexicoesand call the deputy andwait i think they're gong for da horse

its clearly daytime but tinted to look night andmain guy escapes to town and hides in the room with blonde but leaves maybe w/o seeing her

main guy is in the building and fires on a guy but blonde jr stops the outside guy and sez for ma to get out but she sez she wont go and main guy has a gun

she b==ches about mcay being jrs hero and tells main guy she called a marshall but mckay would be there 1st and he sez he loved a woman once and she tends to scarface

main guy puts a chair on the back door and not his anus and later its real daylight and a guy is comming

mainguy sez he wanted to be a vet but this guy was hanging around and he knew he was up to no good but didnt stop him and pun put 2 in the window and got his woman in the throat and cuz he was afraid of confronting him he blamed himself

so outside a guy is fired on and runs for cover and the bads start coming in and main guy caps him and they got 20 mins left before the marshall comes or w/e

scarface gets outta bed andlooks out the window and gets it and falls out the window andits girl fighter who iced him and he and pig guy wwaste each other

a guy asks pig guy who iced alma's way britton and he straindly sez some cr-p i cant make out

so sherif mckay scuzzo beats out the blonde jr and age guy with a flaming black log and is gonna torch the place i think

mckay faces vs main guy andmain guy has no gun ao its a fist fight and mckay beats him down and he gets u and they stare off for a while  and mckay walks off and lets him go

then happy musc and blonde jr takes off his mckay badge and a train comes in and a song plays

the last bunha mins had no talking and blonde rides off on a cart and main guy comes after her

the end

that was pretty good

nice classc style and good 60s style

nice acting and good pacing with nice flow and dint drag

it goes by at a good rate and dont feel like 150 mins with adds

nice music and the acting is good and theres a good story and heart to it

this was in the 60s and it holds up well

huh, it aired on Halloween

Overall its a solid film and is a bit butch cassidy and the sundance kid and has a bit of that movie with tony curtis and sidney poitier escaping together

i liked it and its a nice mld film whrre not much happens but it holds your attention

For On Stranger On The Run 2 I want him to be living with the blonde and they plan on gettin married and its him growing loser to the blonde jr son and they gotta fight off this werewulf that has been attacking the cattle. Also its a 128 bit farming game like harvest moon and on Dreamcast, GameCube, ps2 and xbox where you play as the main guy in thr 1st one and have a thrid person shooter level like Shadow The Hedgehog where you fight the werewulf.

Two For Texas Review

 Note: I spell texas style, manly and bada55 and American!

Two For Texas

This is my review on Two For Texas frm the distant future year of 1998 (The year of the global war in Robotech)

its directed by Rod Hardy who did eps of JAG and nothing i saw

it stars kris kristofferson from the remake of Stagecoach/Dolphin Tale/the blade movies/Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story/the 00s Planet of the Apes/The Land Before Time VI: The Secret of Saurus Rock/Payback/Big Top Pee-wee, Scott Bairstow from the 00s The Twilight Zone/Party of Five/Touched by an Angel, Irene Bedard from Squanto: A Warrior's Tale/disneys Pocahontas/The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest/Roughnecks: Starship Troopers Chronicles/House of Mouse/The Spectacular Spider-Man. Tom Skerritt from M*A*S*H the movieHarold and Maude/Alien/The Dead Zone/Top Gun/Poltergeist III/Steel Magnolias/My Favorite Martian/The West Wing/Law & Order: Special Victims Unit/The Good Wife, occult commie Peter Coyote from E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial/Sphere/Patch Adams/Erin Brockovich/Behind Enemy Lines II: Axis of Evil/Law & Order: Criminal Intent/Law & Order: Los Angeles/Blue Bloods, Rodney A. Grant from Dances with Wolves/Geronimo: An American Legend/Wild, Wild West/Ghosts of Mars, Marco Rodríguez from Cobra/Frasier/The Crow/High School High/Seinfeld/JAG/Bully/Desperate Housewives, Julio Cesar Cedillo from Wishbone, not Fangbone, Rodger Boyce fron No Country for Old Men, and countless guys who aint on back door, cany a55, beta male, soy boy, aids bag, cripple nipple, soft parts, tinky winky, sodom bottom, don glover uso suki, frooty booty, gender offender, girly man, banana crammer wikipedia.

Its based on a book of the same name by James Lee Burke that I never read

in 1836 in louisianna we get credits with people chained as probably slavrs and heavy music with fllscreen and 90s color like that goosebumps ep with the kids in the bayou and the monster

this africanized man whips an Americanas blacks owned slaves too(and many still do)

in the swamp a snake wizzes a a gut and bites him and 1 guy sez to use chewin tobacco cuz it can suck the poison ot(get the mythbusters)

the ownersunchain the bit guy and leae him to de and 1 objects and is beat out for it and woke up in a cage abobe the swamp

then a recap of the guys life how he left tennessee and came to texas hoping to make it but santa anna took over and attacked bt The Honorable Sam Huston countered with Jim Bowie

then in the presentthey dump his cage in the water and he rises for a long breath after 4 seconds under water

after being taken back to the camp, kris advises him to not raise a fuss but kriss sez this isn't a normal place

they get sent out to get a stuck wagon out but when a swinging hing hts the slave driver he caps a guy and kriss takes him on and gets him chained with a block tackle

i think he iced him and the bullet missed his vitals and the three guys escape with kriss and main guy going together

this devolved loking frenchiewants em back and theygo off to join the texas army to get the aches of land they were promised

kris mac daddy r daddy mac was revealed he jacked hoses from andrew jacksons army as the soldiers were j=rkin off and they stop to get the bullet out

so in mexican occupied texas these guys go by some indians and wait its the heroes and they see a girl enslaved by em whos probably gonna be the love interest as EVERYthing tacks on rman ce

kris wants to trade horses but they see its army horsesand the leader of the indans has a smoke with kris but not main guy and then comes back saying he sold em so he could stay with em as going around texas in stolen horses is a bad idea

the slave girl was sold to the tribe for 2 horses as the red man were also big on slave owning, as pretty much all nations were, and shes stays with them now as the other men might wanna b0ne her

main guy dont like indians as his home was burned down by the res and his fam was iced by em with theyr heads cut and guts out

also the slave added dog meat as i guess this is pro korea

so at night kirs tries b0ning the slave girl but she fights hi off and he looks kinda like charles bronson

main guy cuts loose the rope on the slaves leg as she sez "those men who stole me" and tells her "i aint like them" like one of those gitls in a nyu yorke tunnel

so the next day they find the tribe has other idniasn steal for em and something about mexicans and thsi 1 who looks 5'2 wants to kow where they got the horses and when main guy mouths off kriss beats on hi m a dn sez hes a mon g0loid redneck and main guy goes with it

so it turns out its the mexicos that let thr tribe steal and keep what they want in exchainge for the horses and the mexicos go off with the horses

the frenchie owner meets with the meixocs an trive leader wants to get back at the mexicos for taking the horses they took from ohers

slave girl wants to go with em and shows em a gun she hid an gunpowder and the tribe wants to have it and the Americans can fight with knives instead of American Guns

so the indians do their sneaking aorund and shanking emfrom behind like a ninja instead of an honorable samurai and the Americans catch the mexico guards at gunpoint when 1 is p-ssing and tie em up instead of sending em to h e double soviet california

the indians wann ice em but the Americans stand their ground and the reds back off as they had knifes to this gunfight

the frenchies and mexicoeans attack and the horses scatter and kirs sez "dat fenchie aint got no quit in him" which is odd as the fench usually surrender like the cheese eating monkeys they are

the heroes escape  with a buncha horses and as they cross a river main guy's horse falls then runs but hes off and is dragged  but chick cuts the rope and wait its kris an he didnt know how to swim as he stands up after she saves him and the the river isnt even up to his waist

so as they go on the slave girl asks what the indians did that made him hate em andhe sez drunk shawnee iced his fam in tennessee and they have a light laugh at jokes of kris being beat with a stick after he triend b0ning her

she gets along well with him after that. what is this? Japan?

so kris goes off to buy cr-p and sh treats main guys wound saying she learned english after being taken by Americans and she was sold to other guys which surprizes him to find Americans did it and they grow closer

later kris comes back and tells his story of hanging with a gang who iced people like stepping on frogs, an i assume its frenchies and not the amphibian

then its day and some deolved looking guys claim to be hunting a deer and ask if they seen it and when told no, ask for food and get some coffee

these uys look like the inbred guys from deliverance so they are clearly evil

so later the trio is riding and the inbred guys come by looking like ghouls and the heroes cap em but the survuving one talks after kris is gonna scalp him

he reveals the frenchie put a bounty on em like one piece with less okama and when he sez he got this ear or w/e from a chick he b0ned the slave girl shanks him to h e double soviet australia

at night with a really bright night and they go to make out, but in the real version they were b0ning, wait, this is the real version

imagien if kirss woke up and was like "oh come on! I try and i get beat but u get to go all in?!"

so the next day kris sez she cant come ith em cuz they cant take her to the army and if the mexicans catch her she'd be b0ned

imagine if main guy said "is this cuz we b0ned?!" and kris sez"you b0ned?!"

kriss offers to tell her as "she'd take it better from me" which makes me ewann aedit the clip of him b0ning her after tha, but he tells her snd thinks hes like all other Americans and wants to come back after he gets the land but she dont buy it

later the duo is going on and the frenchie chases em and they escape to an Ameircan base and say "don't shoot We're Americans! Those guys are santa anna gun runners" and the frenchie escapes with his men

they meet general Sam Houston and tell them they escaped from prison and got a 200$ bounty on em and main guy sez he was wrongfully accused of stealing a womans puse and got a decade for it and kris iced a dink in a card game

jim bowie knows kris from b4 and are homies and after explaining they need land and a place to lay low with the bounty they join up

an night they tell stories and laugh and bowie is all f;d and he's got his big a55 knife like violence jack that he lets main guy see, whos name is son holland like son wukong or son goku, then bowie throws it like Joe Musashi in Shinobi and cuts a rope with it

later its day and jim said they needed to stop santa anna or he'd take over all of Texas and tthey needed to give Houston time to gather his troops

wow its 1 44 in with adds, that felt like nothing. also its a 2 hour movie on TNT but 2 and a half hours on Grit by adding an extra half hour of adds

so frenchie meets santa anna who he's been giving weapons to and is on a ranch he stole but sez liberated from a Texas guy, and santa anna sees really frooty

after training they hear that The Alamo is under seige and while they wanna save em but if they do, they'd lost the war and santa anna would take over Texas

Bowie was at the alamo and the heroes ran out to save em as if an army cant stop em, 2 guys in that army can

i mean if its the Contra guys yeah but thats the 2600s

so at whats left of the Alamo  its  a massacre and the sad part of the movie and son holland wukong attacks mexicans for picking the corpses but kris sez they are not soldiers but guys who do santa annas dirtywork

they come across a White Woman whos mad General Huston dint come sooner and shes got a kid and her husband got a hedshot like jfk to jfk 2 harambe aka jfk reloaded

she goes on about the horrors she sa of the Amerians chopped up and iced by raging mexicans like being at the boarder during biden

santa anna spared her to give Huston a letter and she showed em Bowie in the infirmary where hees dead and kirs is p-ssed for then wasting his friend

huh, like Houston, Bowie was a Catholic and slave owner

so they retun to the main forces and find the army is running and leading santa anna off, but kris and son holland pan and a thried guy stop to spy on santa anna as he's waiting around cuz hes b0ning a girl, or as kris keeps saying, p0king, and frenchie is there and kris sez now they can kill him and its not murder

So santa anna offers amnesty for Texans who surrender but that's not very American or Texan of them and its like asking a Japanese to be impolite or an irish to act like a highly evolved human being

Huston gives a speech and tells em Remember The Alamo like in Pee Wees Big Adventure not Big Top Pee Wee with Kriss Krisstofferson

I though Bowie fought a Sasquatch but got him mixed up with Davy Crockett

so the Americans attack now that santa anna's troops are low ki from all the chasing and not expecting an attack and they figre cannons that blow the ground and send guys flying like Power Rangers

so main guy rigs the bridge to blow and kris is gonna monkey knife fight frenchie like its the patriot with mel gibson, more like a cheese eating surrender monkey knife fight, as frenchie thinks kris iced his brother, but kris backs away and son hollend goten lights the bridge and it blows and i think sent the frenchie back to h-ll with his kind came from

so after the battle of 18 bins, they lost 9 men and 18 as wounded but took down hundreds of mexcoes and caught more, santa anna got away but some deer hunters, not the christopher walken movie, found him in a cave liek saddam and Huston accepts his surrender

son hollen goku jr gets his 600 achers and kris give him bowies knife and and goes off to pan for gold as big as elk teeth or elf teeth in D&D

he goes off to some indian village an gets back his woman as he somehow knew where to go to find her

the end

that was pretty good

nice action and story. good writing, memerable characters, good ties to history

the music was well and the filming was pretty good wth a nice PG style

the acting was good and the effects worked and it wasn't a mess of cg like modern things

iit did the thing of the younger guy guided by the experienced master and overcoming his anger

and i like how the french and spaniards were the bad guys, like in real life

it doesnt drag and has good flow and goes by at a good pace while holding my attention and not having me hoping for it to end soon

I liked this one and its got some good Pro America Protoculture in it

For Two For Texas 2, which would probably be called 2 For Texas like wth Coming 2 America, I want them to be on the farm with their teen daughter and this Eastern Europeany guy comes by and needs help. Turns out he's been fleeing a Fext, an undead creature thats immune to bullets except glass ones, and has been travelling the world to keep away from it. So he grows closer to the daughter who helps him as hes worn out and helps him recover his strength. near the end of the movie, the Fext attacks and its an epic battle to try to beat it as they try to use a gun with glass bullets but stuff keeps geting in the way until the final shot. Also its a 128 bit farming simulator like Harvest Mood on sega dreamcast, gamecube, ps2 an xbox where you play as the Slavic guy and work on the farm and try to grow closer to the daughter.